Isolation

There’s no one around, no one to see

It seems the world decided to let me be.

I thought I’d feel free with no one around,

No one to make those annoying sounds.

Yet now I find this silence crushing,

I can hear my heart beating, my blood rushing.

It feels like this silence will tear me apart,

My thoughts, my mind, even my heart.

I must find a way out of this silent place,

I panic, I run, from the silence I race.

Yet as far as I run there’s no one to find.

No one to save me from this place in my mind.

Masks

At some level, i felt like i was talking to myself with this poem. I’ve become rather good at pretending I’m fine even if i feel dead inside, and almost anywhere i go i can adapt and adjust my demeanor to fit in just fine. It’s not really even something i do consciously anymore, I do it without really thinking about it. Anyways, enjoy the read folks.

Divergent Thoughts

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Masks

A new face for each situation,
Is that smile just another facade?
Like the chameleon that blends wherever it goes,
Another change of face to always fit in.
Among the masks do you still remember you,
Or have you forgotten which face is true?
Are you lost among the sea of the masses,
Have you lost grip on who you really are?
Never showing what’s inside,
You show them a smile, always a smile.

Wherein Dreams Begin

From ~ 2008-9 

Hope you enjoy the read,
Divergent Thoughts

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Wherein Dreams Begin


Just take a breath and hold it in,

Come join me wherein dreams begin.

Let’s wipe away those daytime tears,

And scare away those nighttime fears.

Just listen to the heart’s soft melody,

Then in this place of magic you will be.

The stars over head are the dream’s fresh start,

Each an honest wish of the heart. 

Countless places you can go,

From an ocean beach or a world of snow.

Imagine the beauty you can find,

When your only limit is your mind.

If your heart can dream of a place,

It won’t just be a hope you  chase.

Simply close those lullaby eyes,

Picture these star dotted skies.

It will be there twinkling on high,

Now take a breath and reach for the sky.

Picture your star’s soft gleam,

Then open those eyes and see your dream.

Come join me wherein dreams begin,

Just take a breath and hold it in.

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Who You Are

And here’s yet another one of my older poems while i try to think of some fresh material.

Divergent Thoughts

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Who You Are

Time for all to look, look into your self.
Do you like what you see, or does it not match?
Are you your own person, or are you influenced by others?
Do you let others dictate your actions, or do you carve your own path?
Time for all to remember, remember what your life has been till now.
Look hard and long, think about what you see.
Does your path reflect who you want to be, or does it reflect what they want you to be?
Time for all to think, of the future now.
Whip out that crystal ball and see, see where this path of yours will lead.
See if it’s your path, or one carved for you.
Is it one you’d like for you to go, or one that they’d love for you to go?
Consider this now and heed my words.
This life is yours to live,
Not theirs.
These are your choices to make,
Not theirs.
Instead I encourage you to just be,
Who you are.

Sensory Overload

So, mother suggested that i do a poem to try to capture the feeling of a sensory overload that most if not all people on the autism spectrum are prone to. I’ve had some experience with sensory overloads myself, so I thought I’d take a shot at doing what she suggested and try to capture that feeling with words. Hopefully this will help someone somewhere get a better understanding of what that’s like.

Divergent Thoughts
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Overwhelming Sensation

Everything i see, all the things i hear
It’s much more than my mind can process.
The overwhelming flood of sensations wreak havoc on the mind.
I want to escape it and find somewhere to hide,
Somewhere to hide from this flood of sensation.
But trapped with no way out, i can feel my thoughts breaking down.
Agitation and panic rise in response to it all.
They build and bubble till it all boils over,
I want to get away from it, i need to get away from it.
Find somewhere safe from it all.
Somewhere quiet, somewhere calm.
So please, just take me home.

A Little Boat Called Hope

My mother said she wanted me to put this one up on here because it’s one she liked, so here again is one of my older poems. Enjoy the read folks.

Divergent Thoughts

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A Little Boat Called Hope

As I floated away on my little boat called Hope,
I found I had lost my safety rope.
There’s no link back to safe dry land,
I’m much further out than I had planned.
There’s no land near that I can see,
I wonder where on earth I could be.
I’m stuck at sea on my little rubber raft,
It’s such an old worn down little craft.
There’s gum and tape plugging some holes,
And the frame is supported by thin wooden poles.
The color has long since faded away,
My little boat sure has seen better days.
But as sure as a kite will rise and fall,
This beaten down boat has pulled through it all.
It floats on toward a distant dream,
Off into the morning’s brilliant gleam.
I can only pray my little boat will hold,
And that I won’t meet the ocean’s cold.
As long as I’m in this little boat here,
I know the future I need not fear.
I found I had lost my safety rope,
As I floated away on my little boat called Hope.

Cold Metal Cage, a poem

Cold Metal Cage

As i sit here bound in chains,
i try to remember life before i was locked away
memories so far back are hard to find
while i’m trapped in this frigid prison that freezes my mind
i can vaguely remember once upon a time when the sun felt warm
but now that light burns me and pushes me away
away from the world i long to be in
a world of smiles, joy, and laughter
a world where there could be a happily ever after
But bound so tightly i can’t find a way out
a way out of this depression that smothers my life

Social Anxiety, A poem of sorts

After I showed someone the poem I wrote before this one they suggested writing one on social anxiety, but I said that I was just going to rest and relax instead. So, here’s the poem.

Divergent Thoughts

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Social Anxiety

Such a big crowd,
So many people bustling around.
I can feel their eyes on me,
Those eyes that judge every aspect they can see.
Their voices echoing around me,
So deafening that i can’t hear my own thoughts.
I’m sure some of them are mocking me,
Mocking me without even knowing my name.
They’re all too close,
Like a sea of bodies smothering and crushing me.
Why can’t they all just stay away,
Why can’t they all just leave me alone.
I wish those toxic whispers would stop,
And those judging eyes to look away.
I don’t even remember why i’m here
There are too many sounds,
Too many people.
I wish they would all just leave me alone
Now, i just want to be home

Separation Anxiety: A poem

Three days I stared at the same document, waiting for an idea to write. Then three minutes after I finally had an idea, I finished it.  It’d be nice if I could cut down the time it took to come up with something to write, but that aspect seems to be all based on luck currently.  An imaginary gold star to the first person that figures out who’s point of view the poem is from.

Anyways, enjoy the read.

Divergent Thoughts

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Separation Anxiety

Where are they?
Where have they gone?
Without warning they left,
Leaving me on my own.
There was no good bye from them,
No pause to even tell me they were leaving.
They’re just gone and i don’t know where.
When will they be coming back,
When will i see them again?
Please, don’t leave me here all alone,
Don’t leave me to drown in my loneliness.
The world feels so dark and cold when they’re away,
Please come back for me, don’t leave me all alone.

Paralyzed, a poem of sorts

Not all problems that people have can be seen at a glance.  Learning someone’s internal struggles requires more than a quick glance. Not all problems that people have have an answer as to cause, and there’s not always a way to make things better. This poem is an attempt to put words to my own problems.

Enjoy the read,

Divergent Thoughts

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Paralyzed

I want to go, but my body won’t move.
My nerves are screaming like i’m under attack,
Yet i’m sitting alone, safe and secure.
Why isn’t wanting to go enough to get there?
Why must I fight my mind and body for everything i do?
It’s maddening, demoralizing, and constant problem in my life.
The harder i fight those feelings, the more they fester and grow,
Fester and grow well beyond my control.
They’re  blocking my every move.
Stopping almost any attempt i make to move forward.
People can’t really see the war that i fight,
The constant battle with problems that seem to have no solution.
Even as hopeless as it may seem to be,
I still try to fight my way through this wall that no one can see.
To give up this fight is to die inside.
So i fight it, hoping some day to find a way to win.
Till then these baseless thoughts and emotions seek to paralyze me,
Sometimes they succeed, but I’ll fight them to the end.
I still have things i want to do in my life,
My reasons to commit myself to this daily grind.
Someday, i know that i’ll win.
Till that day, my internal war shall rage ever on.