There’s no one around, no one to see
It seems the world decided to let me be.
I thought I’d feel free with no one around,
No one to make those annoying sounds.
Yet now I find this silence crushing,
I can hear my heart beating, my blood rushing.
It feels like this silence will tear me apart,
My thoughts, my mind, even my heart.
I must find a way out of this silent place,
I panic, I run, from the silence I race.
Yet as far as I run there’s no one to find.
No one to save me from this place in my mind.
And here’s yet another one of my older poems while i try to think of some fresh material.
Who You Are
Time for all to look, look into your self.
Do you like what you see, or does it not match?
Are you your own person, or are you influenced by others?
Do you let others dictate your actions, or do you carve your own path?
Time for all to remember, remember what your life has been till now.
Look hard and long, think about what you see.
Does your path reflect who you want to be, or does it reflect what they want you to be?
Time for all to think, of the future now.
Whip out that crystal ball and see, see where this path of yours will lead.
See if it’s your path, or one carved for you.
Is it one you’d like for you to go, or one that they’d love for you to go?
Consider this now and heed my words.
This life is yours to live,
These are your choices to make,
Instead I encourage you to just be,
Who you are.
So, mother suggested that i do a poem to try to capture the feeling of a sensory overload that most if not all people on the autism spectrum are prone to. I’ve had some experience with sensory overloads myself, so I thought I’d take a shot at doing what she suggested and try to capture that feeling with words. Hopefully this will help someone somewhere get a better understanding of what that’s like.
Everything i see, all the things i hear
It’s much more than my mind can process.
The overwhelming flood of sensations wreak havoc on the mind.
I want to escape it and find somewhere to hide,
Somewhere to hide from this flood of sensation.
But trapped with no way out, i can feel my thoughts breaking down.
Agitation and panic rise in response to it all.
They build and bubble till it all boils over,
I want to get away from it, i need to get away from it.
Find somewhere safe from it all.
Somewhere quiet, somewhere calm.
So please, just take me home.
My mother said she wanted me to put this one up on here because it’s one she liked, so here again is one of my older poems. Enjoy the read folks.
A Little Boat Called Hope
As I floated away on my little boat called Hope,
I found I had lost my safety rope.
There’s no link back to safe dry land,
I’m much further out than I had planned.
There’s no land near that I can see,
I wonder where on earth I could be.
I’m stuck at sea on my little rubber raft,
It’s such an old worn down little craft.
There’s gum and tape plugging some holes,
And the frame is supported by thin wooden poles.
The color has long since faded away,
My little boat sure has seen better days.
But as sure as a kite will rise and fall,
This beaten down boat has pulled through it all.
It floats on toward a distant dream,
Off into the morning’s brilliant gleam.
I can only pray my little boat will hold,
And that I won’t meet the ocean’s cold.
As long as I’m in this little boat here,
I know the future I need not fear.
I found I had lost my safety rope,
As I floated away on my little boat called Hope.
Cold Metal Cage
As i sit here bound in chains,
i try to remember life before i was locked away
memories so far back are hard to find
while i’m trapped in this frigid prison that freezes my mind
i can vaguely remember once upon a time when the sun felt warm
but now that light burns me and pushes me away
away from the world i long to be in
a world of smiles, joy, and laughter
a world where there could be a happily ever after
But bound so tightly i can’t find a way out
a way out of this depression that smothers my life
After I showed someone the poem I wrote before this one they suggested writing one on social anxiety, but I said that I was just going to rest and relax instead. So, here’s the poem.
Such a big crowd,
So many people bustling around.
I can feel their eyes on me,
Those eyes that judge every aspect they can see.
Their voices echoing around me,
So deafening that i can’t hear my own thoughts.
I’m sure some of them are mocking me,
Mocking me without even knowing my name.
They’re all too close,
Like a sea of bodies smothering and crushing me.
Why can’t they all just stay away,
Why can’t they all just leave me alone.
I wish those toxic whispers would stop,
And those judging eyes to look away.
I don’t even remember why i’m here
There are too many sounds,
Too many people.
I wish they would all just leave me alone
Now, i just want to be home
Three days I stared at the same document, waiting for an idea to write. Then three minutes after I finally had an idea, I finished it. It’d be nice if I could cut down the time it took to come up with something to write, but that aspect seems to be all based on luck currently. An imaginary gold star to the first person that figures out who’s point of view the poem is from.
Anyways, enjoy the read.
Where are they?
Where have they gone?
Without warning they left,
Leaving me on my own.
There was no good bye from them,
No pause to even tell me they were leaving.
They’re just gone and i don’t know where.
When will they be coming back,
When will i see them again?
Please, don’t leave me here all alone,
Don’t leave me to drown in my loneliness.
The world feels so dark and cold when they’re away,
Please come back for me, don’t leave me all alone.
As the title says, when I sat down to work on a new blog post I told myself that I wanted to try to make it something happy and cheerful, and then I’m pretty sure I massively failed writing something positive and cheerful. Regardless, I hope you enjoy the read.
A harsh power that overwhelms,
Countless sensations that overload the mind.
Thoughts are lost to the smothering tide,
Dreams washed away by the endless flood.
You try to stand but the weight crashes down,
A weight that crushes the soul, yet it leaves the body whole.
The light of day, the light of hope, it will never reach your eyes.
For you are blinded by the cold feelings trapped inside.
Alone, afraid, unable to face another day.
Perpetual depression that brings your world crashing down,
It’s hard to breathe and so hard to move,
As its cold hands choke and hold you down.
Depression is the monster that others cannot see,
Yet it’s a monster far too common and real.
You’re not alone in your fight,
Not the only one who struggles with it every day.
Don’t give up, don’t stop your fight.
Don’t let yourself become another sad memory.
Have you ever found yourself doing something only to realize that you don’t know why on earth you’re doing it? I’m having one of those exact moments as I’m writing this first entry to a blog that I didn’t ever have plans to make, and yet here I am writing. I don’t know what the theme of this blog will be, or if it’ll even have a theme at all. This may just end up being a compilation or random thoughts and ideas with no real purpose, or perhaps it could end up being something more. Maybe I’ll be able to make it into something helpful for people, though I haven’t the slightest idea how I’d pull that off. Anyway, enough rambling about what on earth this could end up being; at this point, I should probably tell you some things about myself.
I’m a male and currently 24 years old, though that second part may be subject to change over time. For the most part I live alone with my dog who weighs in the range of 120 pounds. She’s a rather vocal dog, and I don’t mean that she barks a lot. She makes various odd vocalizations that sometimes end up sounding like a cow mooing, though she doesn’t seem to like having it pointed out to her that she sounds like a cow. Despite living on my own I have people who come over to help with things that for what ever reason I can’t get done myself. I suppose the litany of mental disorders I have been diagnosed with at least gives some explanation as to why I can’t do things, even if I want nothing more in the world than to be able to do them myself, but it doesn’t make having to have help with everyday things any less maddening. It’s almost like there’s an invisible wall between me and those things, and all I have to use to get past the wall is a rusty spoon. And no, this isn’t me trying to get a pull of sympathy or attention using the issues I have, I’m just trying to give you a better idea of the person who will be writing the posts for this blog. Because of the cluster (word that I probably shouldn’t use here) that is the screwed up wiring in my brain, I tend to see things from a different angle than most other people.
Considering I love to write I’ll most likely post short stories or bits of other stories, possibly even some poems, on here along with whatever other stray thought I write into a post, and maybe if I’m really lucky I’ll manage to entertain a person or two with it all. Will you be one of those people? I hope so, I do like entertaining people.
Here’s hoping you’ll be joining me again in the next post,