Isolation

There’s no one around, no one to see

It seems the world decided to let me be.

I thought I’d feel free with no one around,

No one to make those annoying sounds.

Yet now I find this silence crushing,

I can hear my heart beating, my blood rushing.

It feels like this silence will tear me apart,

My thoughts, my mind, even my heart.

I must find a way out of this silent place,

I panic, I run, from the silence I race.

Yet as far as I run there’s no one to find.

No one to save me from this place in my mind.

Panic

Can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.

This overwhelming panic has me on my knees.

Looking up at the sky praying please Lord, please make it stop,

I can’t take it anymore it feels like my heart is about to pop.

One more surge of panic feels like the end.

Then bury me and to heaven, my soul send.

I can hear the devil laugh as I gasp and strain,

Laughing at my fear and this growing pain.

This perpetual anxiety just won’t let me be,

So release my soul and set me free.

Free to arrive at another hellscape,

Perhaps this fear I won’t ever escape.

Sensory Overload

So, mother suggested that i do a poem to try to capture the feeling of a sensory overload that most if not all people on the autism spectrum are prone to. I’ve had some experience with sensory overloads myself, so I thought I’d take a shot at doing what she suggested and try to capture that feeling with words. Hopefully this will help someone somewhere get a better understanding of what that’s like.

Divergent Thoughts
_________
Overwhelming Sensation

Everything i see, all the things i hear
It’s much more than my mind can process.
The overwhelming flood of sensations wreak havoc on the mind.
I want to escape it and find somewhere to hide,
Somewhere to hide from this flood of sensation.
But trapped with no way out, i can feel my thoughts breaking down.
Agitation and panic rise in response to it all.
They build and bubble till it all boils over,
I want to get away from it, i need to get away from it.
Find somewhere safe from it all.
Somewhere quiet, somewhere calm.
So please, just take me home.

Social Anxiety, A poem of sorts

After I showed someone the poem I wrote before this one they suggested writing one on social anxiety, but I said that I was just going to rest and relax instead. So, here’s the poem.

Divergent Thoughts

________

Social Anxiety

Such a big crowd,
So many people bustling around.
I can feel their eyes on me,
Those eyes that judge every aspect they can see.
Their voices echoing around me,
So deafening that i can’t hear my own thoughts.
I’m sure some of them are mocking me,
Mocking me without even knowing my name.
They’re all too close,
Like a sea of bodies smothering and crushing me.
Why can’t they all just stay away,
Why can’t they all just leave me alone.
I wish those toxic whispers would stop,
And those judging eyes to look away.
I don’t even remember why i’m here
There are too many sounds,
Too many people.
I wish they would all just leave me alone
Now, i just want to be home

Separation Anxiety: A poem

Three days I stared at the same document, waiting for an idea to write. Then three minutes after I finally had an idea, I finished it.  It’d be nice if I could cut down the time it took to come up with something to write, but that aspect seems to be all based on luck currently.  An imaginary gold star to the first person that figures out who’s point of view the poem is from.

Anyways, enjoy the read.

Divergent Thoughts

___________

Separation Anxiety

Where are they?
Where have they gone?
Without warning they left,
Leaving me on my own.
There was no good bye from them,
No pause to even tell me they were leaving.
They’re just gone and i don’t know where.
When will they be coming back,
When will i see them again?
Please, don’t leave me here all alone,
Don’t leave me to drown in my loneliness.
The world feels so dark and cold when they’re away,
Please come back for me, don’t leave me all alone.

Paralyzed, a poem of sorts

Not all problems that people have can be seen at a glance.  Learning someone’s internal struggles requires more than a quick glance. Not all problems that people have have an answer as to cause, and there’s not always a way to make things better. This poem is an attempt to put words to my own problems.

Enjoy the read,

Divergent Thoughts

_____

Paralyzed

I want to go, but my body won’t move.
My nerves are screaming like i’m under attack,
Yet i’m sitting alone, safe and secure.
Why isn’t wanting to go enough to get there?
Why must I fight my mind and body for everything i do?
It’s maddening, demoralizing, and constant problem in my life.
The harder i fight those feelings, the more they fester and grow,
Fester and grow well beyond my control.
They’re  blocking my every move.
Stopping almost any attempt i make to move forward.
People can’t really see the war that i fight,
The constant battle with problems that seem to have no solution.
Even as hopeless as it may seem to be,
I still try to fight my way through this wall that no one can see.
To give up this fight is to die inside.
So i fight it, hoping some day to find a way to win.
Till then these baseless thoughts and emotions seek to paralyze me,
Sometimes they succeed, but I’ll fight them to the end.
I still have things i want to do in my life,
My reasons to commit myself to this daily grind.
Someday, i know that i’ll win.
Till that day, my internal war shall rage ever on.