Flicker

Something on the older side, but I didn’t see it on the list of things I’ve posted here already.

Divergent Thoughts

__________

 

I can see a flicker in the distance,

A faint light dancing in the gloom.

With each passing moment I worry that it’s going out,

I worry that the world will go dark again.

Even though I’ve never been close enough to feel its warmth,

I still cherish that distant dancing light.

I can only imagine how warm it must feel,

To know the touch of that little light in a world of dark.

As much as a yearn to feel it,

I dare not get any closer.

I dare not do anything to risk putting out that dancing light,

The only light I can see.

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Hell!  That’s what I’m going to write about.

The mess that was the hollow shell of my life, all the things my family had to put up with.
Sure I have issues, everyone does, but what’s left of my conscience leaves me with guilt.
It’s kind of ironic, the sadomasochistic nut feeling guilty for causing pain; however,
watching someone falling into the bottomless pit of misery is a pain no one should have to feel.

When I’m falling, how do I know what watching feels like?
When you lose sight of the stars, of your dreams, you know you’ve found hell.
You see yourself and all you’ve sunk into and you hate it.
Over time the hate of the situation turns to self-hatred, you despise what you’ve become.
You look for ways to make it better, lashing out when people try to take you from the “fix”.
The thing that dulls the pain it’s not a fix. That thing that dulls the pain is not a fix.

That thing is a mask, hiding your misery from yourself just like you hide it from everyone else
The pain of falling into nothing, you’re sure it is worse than death.
Why don’t you give in and die?!!

Pain!
Not your pain this time.  Even in the dark the heart can shine.
You live so others won’t know the pain
You live for your family and friends
You live for everyone who would suffer if you ended your life.

Pain
Without love it will kill you.
There! you see another star
After sooo much pain;
There is light again

Written 2009

No Way Out: A Poem

Just to be clear up front, this poems is not based on how I’m feeling currently. It’s based on feelings that i know far too well.

Divergent Thoughts

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No way out

Living in soul crushing despair,
No way in sight to get out of there.
No path to break free of the dark,
Stuck forever in a world cold and stark.
Happiness is just a tormenting word,
Your laughter is almost never heard.
The misery squeezes at your heart,
So with a bottle of whiskey the drinking starts.
Drinking to drive away the pain,
Every shot another swallow with nothing to gain.
Yet the more you drink the deeper you sink,
Deeper and darker till death is all you think.
A note written to family and friends,
With a razor, a gun, or perhaps a noose; everything ends.

__________

If this poem matches with how you’re feeling, then i encourage you strongly to seek help. You might not feel like it’s worth the effort, that your existence doesn’t seem worth saving. You might think that you won’t be missed, but there will always be those who would suffer if you die.

Cold Metal Cage, a poem

Cold Metal Cage

As i sit here bound in chains,
i try to remember life before i was locked away
memories so far back are hard to find
while i’m trapped in this frigid prison that freezes my mind
i can vaguely remember once upon a time when the sun felt warm
but now that light burns me and pushes me away
away from the world i long to be in
a world of smiles, joy, and laughter
a world where there could be a happily ever after
But bound so tightly i can’t find a way out
a way out of this depression that smothers my life

Cold Hands… So, I TRIED to make a happy poem. Key word, Tried

As the title says, when I sat down to work on a new blog post I told myself that I wanted to try to make it something happy and cheerful, and then I’m pretty sure I massively failed writing something positive and cheerful. Regardless, I hope you enjoy the read.

Divergent Thoughts

Cold Hands

A harsh power that overwhelms,
Countless sensations that overload the mind.
Thoughts are lost to the smothering tide,
Dreams washed away by the endless flood.
You try to stand but the weight crashes down,
A weight that crushes the soul, yet it leaves the body whole.
The light of day, the light of hope, it will never reach your eyes.
For you are blinded by the cold feelings trapped inside.
Alone, afraid, unable to face another day.
Perpetual depression that brings your world crashing down,
It’s hard to breathe and so hard to move,
As its cold hands choke and hold you down.
Depression is the monster that others cannot see,
Yet it’s a monster far too common and real.
You’re not alone in your fight,
Not the only one who struggles with it every day.
Don’t give up, don’t stop your fight.
Don’t let yourself become another sad memory.

Change of Pace: A Poem

As my way of celebrating the first comments, likes, and following by someone that isn’t related to me by blood i decided to try to write something more positive and cheerful. Key word, Try. I’ll leave it for you to decided if i actually managed to make something somewhat cheerful or not.

Enjoy the read.

Divergent Thoughts

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Change of Pace

Hope for the best but be ready for the worst,
That’s the way my mind goes about things first.
A faint ray of light amidst the doom and gloom,
But never bright enough to light up the room.
I’ve grown accustomed to the lack of light,
I’ve made myself at home in the dark of night.
Yet sometimes a brighter light does come along,
I hope it’ll last even while i expect to be wrong.
Yet even as pessimistic as my view is i can’t help but grin,
It’s a change of pace that I’d so love to stay in.
Yet as the clock ticks it slowly fades away,
But sometimes, just sometimes, the memory of it stays.

Things Once Known: A poem of sorts

Music can be a great source of inspiration when it comes to writing, and this little poem is the product of listening to a song on loop.  “Outside” By Hollywood Undead for those who want to know what the song was, and trying to match the over all feel of the song i wrote this.

Hopefully you’ll enjoy the read,

Divergent Thoughts

______

Things Once Known

 

Once upon a time I knew many things

Once upon a time I knew how to laugh and sing,

I knew the warmth of having love fully shared,

If only I had acted with more caution and care.

A fool of a child, I didn’t understand how precious it was,

A fool of a man, I forgot the damage a harsh word does.

They say that hindsight is twenty twenty,

But looking back now the errors of my way simply pain me.

Errors that I will never forget,

Memories of things I’ll always regret.

So with scars in my heart I keep my back to the past,

Awaiting the day I heal at last.

To once again remember how to laugh and sing,

To once more know the warmth love can bring.